


it's not a competition (but if it is then i'm winning)

by tangentiallly



Category: A Series of Unfortunate Events - Lemony Snicket
Genre: Don’t copy to another site, M/M, Pre-Canon, characters referred to as their initials, triplets competing for a certain love interest's affection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-01
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2020-04-05 20:44:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,195
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19048060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tangentiallly/pseuds/tangentiallly
Summary: “If you want their trust in you to remain, it would be in your best interest to avoid a second time of this happening withhim.”“ … Is there by chance any kind of weird triplets competition thing involved in this conversation?”“Don’t flatter yourself.”





	it's not a competition (but if it is then i'm winning)

**Author's Note:**

> disclaimer: I don't own ASOUE
> 
> please don't copy this story to another site

“Someone saw you and my brother kissing the other day. Someone from the higher up of the organization. They were worried about your loyalties and whether you’ve been colluding with the firestarting side, considering we all know which side my brother is on,” F said, expressionless.

“I - that was a one time thing, Frank. I made a mistake. It’s not going to happen again.”

“Well, in dangerous times like this, even a one time thing might cause the organization to be suspicious, wouldn’t you think?”

B was silence for a moment, trying to parse whether this conversation was going in the direction of a long lecture, or some kind of blackmail. “If I may ask, how did the person who saw us knew which triplet they saw?”

“They don’t. Which is why, when they come to ask me about the pictures of you two, I informed them it was me in the picture, and that you and I are dating. You’re welcome.”

B stared. “I suppose this is my cue to say thank you.”

“If you’re a polite person, which I have been informed you are.” F eyed him. “And I should advise you this incident between you and him are repeated, I would not be so inclined to continue this lie to the organization.”

B paused, and then conjured a practiced smile. “Well, thank you, then. I would do my best to avoid the second time from happening.” 

“If you want their trust in you to remain, it would be in your best interest,” F agreed, “to avoid a second time of this happening with _him_.”

B studied him, and asked slowly, “ … Is there by chance any kind of weird triplets competition thing involved in this conversation?”

F froze for the tiniest moment, and then scoffed. “Don’t flatter yourself.”

“Okay,” B agreed, shrugging artfully. “So, the organization thinks we are dating. You want to plan some appropriate time for a fake breakup?”

“The masked ball is next week, and I’m helping the Duchess with some preparations, so perhaps we can discuss after the event when I’m less busy.”

 _The masked ball was a very legitimate reason_ , B thought. L _ogical. Made sense. Definitely increasing the chance that there was some weird triplet competition thing involved_. He nodded, smiling ever so politely. “Of course. Whenever it’s convenient.”

 

* * *

 

 “Now, I know you plan to attend the masked ball with my brother,” E said, while carefully closing a notebook with hotel guest details and putting it back into a drawer, then smiled - easily, professionally - at B across the reception desk. “May I offer an alternative for you to consider?” E asked, the same way he asked guests if they would interested in a different room that was probably more expensive.

If B wasn’t making efforts to keep up some kind of act, he would’ve probably rolled his eyes.  Since he was, though, he smiled back, just as easily, just as professionally even though there weren’t really any professionalism required from hotel guests. “Of course.”

“Excellent,” E’s smile turned just a little sharper, and he continued. “Now, you’ve heard the rumors that O is scheming to do something nefarious at the masked ball, and his villainous associate, me, likely knew something about it.”

“I’ve heard? Really?” B raised an eyebrow.

“Well,” E said easily, “you’re hearing it right now, aren’t you?”

“Sure,” B agreed. “Please do go on.”

“That is why, loyal, competent, dedicated volunteer you are, you would very likely decide to seduce me for information. 

“Sounds plausible.”

“Exactly, and I’m sure the organization would understand. This is, after all, very important work that simply must be done.”

B met E’s eyes, his lips curving up in light amusement.  _Weird triplet competition thing._  “Well, I certainly wouldn’t want the organization to think I’m neglecting important spying work.”

“Very sensible,” E said, smiling brilliantly at B. “So, I picked out matching outfits for the ball, it’s in a room on third floor. Want to take a look?”

 

* * *

 

 “So, have you made a decision?” D asked, looking up from the book he was reading. “About the ball. I heard that both my brothers invited you to go - as a date.”

“Not yet,” B admitted, “incidentally, do you know if O  _is_  planning anything?”

“Not that I’m aware of,” D frowned. “But I can’t exactly say I have the same level of knowledge about his plans as E.”

“Hmmm,” B mused. “On the other hand, there’s no guarantee that E would actually reveal anything to me - or anything important enough - even if I go with him.”

“Well, whoever you decide to go with, have fun and have a few drinks for me,” D patted his back.

“Wait - you’re not going?”

“I’m officially a secret now, remember?” D said, a wry if slightly sad smile on his lips.

“It’s a masked ball - there would be lots of people and lots of mask and lots of confusion about who is who,” B reasoned.

D knew B was right. If he really wanted to go that badly, D supposed he could find a way. Truth was he wasn’t ever a masked ball or party person, though it was fun occasionally. At least that was what he told himself.  _You just miss it because you can’t have it anymore. It’s human nature. If you really want to dance (with B) that much, you can do it anywhere. In this library, even. It doesn’t have to be at a masked ball where everyone (and your brothers) could see._

“Well, orders from above, can’t risk it,” D sighed.

B studied him, and then suddenly said, “In that case, let me stay with you that night.”

“What?” D blinked. “You don’t have to. Really. I’m fine. You don’t have to.”  _You don’t have to get my hopes up if I’m going to insist you go and you’ll cave and go anyway and I’ll be alone anyway. You don’t have to._

B reached out his hands to grab D’s. “Don’t want you to have to be alone that night when everyone else is going to be at the same place.” His eyes were so sincere and warm that it was in moments like this D wondered how he could ever just be a competition to his brothers. Then again, he wondered perhaps it was easier to pretend it was just a competition.

“Are you sure?” D asked. “You’ll have to decline my brothers’ invitations. And what about ‘neglecting important spying work’?”

B chuckled, “I see E mentioned that, did he?”

“You should’ve seen his victorious glee and F’s annoyance when he said that,” D said dryly.

“Well, I’ll alert people to take precautions.” B said. “And I will write two very polite letters to decline their kind invitations.”

“You’ll be missing out on all the dancing and music,” D said.

B paused, and the stood up and walked over to the other side of the room to put on the music. There was a glint in his eyes as he walked back toward D. “I suppose you’ll have to make it up to me then.” He extended a hand out to D, and said slowly, “Dance with me?”

 

**Author's Note:**

> find me on [tumblr](https://beatricebidelaire.tumblr.com)


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